| | What are your fears? | |
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CanzetYote
Posts : 45 Join date : 2015-09-13 Age : 35 Location : Escondido, California
| Subject: What are your fears? Mon Sep 14, 2015 10:54 pm | |
| Well, we all know Cameron suffers from a fear of animals. So what are YOU afraid of? For me:
Heights: ESPECIALLY steep canyons. I am absolutely TERRIFIED of the Grand Canyon and on the same note, hot air balloons freak me out. Oddly, I feel okay when flying on an airplane even though I haven't flown since January 2001.
Bees: And wasps and hornets too. All that buzzing and stingers gives me the chills! I was stung once as a kid and traumatized by it.
Emery Boards: The texture makes me skin crawl. I can't stand being near someone filing their nails with one. It's just so......ugh!
Blood vessels: If I think too deeply about blood getting drawn through syringes and tubes and veins inside a wrist, I actually start gagging. No joke. | |
| | | Arizona_Kitsune
Posts : 12 Join date : 2015-07-17
| Subject: Re: What are your fears? Tue Sep 15, 2015 12:52 am | |
| Don't mean to get deep here, but, Not getting a chance to perform. - Deep personal thoughts:
By that I mean, with the ones I care for, know, and those around me and especially those who rely on me and me on them. And even towards those who I live for and make my purpose in life and they don't even realize I exist or don't think twice about how my and others sacrifices granted them what and where they are today. Everyone basically. I fear, and my only legit fear, the only thing in life so far to have trumped me or stalled/plagued my thoughts, is not being able to keep up. And no, not like, I'm not good enough and can't do something, that's bull and there's no room for that, I can always try harder, I can always improve if I'm not where I want/need to be. If it takes more than 100% then give 110%. It's when you are doing as you need to, performing to your current best potential, and not at your fault, or perhaps at your fault, but being unable to be relied upon by others. For me, having been in the Marines, it was for my squad mates and fellow Marines. We pushed each other, one to help each other better ourselves, but also, in a way, to ensure that we knew we could rely upon each other when the time came. And if he believed and knew whole heartedly they you, I, would be there right behind him as we entered that room or kicked in that door, he felt safer, felt an assurance that made him the best in the world. But if something happens, whether an accident, or the product of another person, your enemy perhaps, something happens that disables or keeps you from being there for your brother when you need him but he especially needs you. And he suffers for your fowl up, your lack ability to keep giving that 110%. Resulting in him being, well, in anything.
Not out of your own lack of trying, but out of be it fate, just something out of your power, or another person outperforming you, that you are unable to be there supporting your mate, the one who thought they could give 110% because you were right behind them doing the same. And why, for each other. The thoughts that could and would go through their head in their final moments because of something that you did, or that happened to you resulting in that occurrence.
This is why I feel a need to always give 120%, compared to 100 or 110%. I fear for the day, I'm not able to perform, even with giving my max, not being able to be there giving what is needed especially when another is reliant upon me and my performance. I will say, this curse, this boggle in the back of my mind, was planted there by my time in service. I can't go back to being just good enough, just being there. I am not angry or regretting of this either. I am glad this is my thought process now, and that this is the only legitimate fear I have. Because its only side effect I get from it, is a inner need to always better myself, but within reason. It's a helpful fear, but a fear none the less.
I've never said this or admitted to it but maybe two or three times in my life. I'm glad there is a place I can say this. But performance, its a helpful fear. And a fear I feel many other military members have felt or felt similar to myself. If not more than me or less.
And smaller things that give me the heebie jeebies or make me get a bit tense; Birds... and you ever been driving, and you get those birds, doves, pigeons, what have you, and for some reason unknown they feel a need to fly across the street to the other side, but rather than just straight across and above the cars, they decide, 'Oh, im gonna go high speed low drag right inbetween two or more rows of fast moving cars and then arch up to the opposite tree or power line'. The birds with death wishes who for some reason, I haven't hit one yet, they got it, but seeing a black or blurry small object suddenly come at you from the side aiming practically right at your engine and somehow always making it by infront of you and to the other side. ... it just never sets well with me, dumb birds trying to fly between cars while moving. Like, WHY!? lol More a rant, a gear grinder, than a fear I suppose. And bees, wasps, nah enough stings from them I'm ok with that. ... in Arizona and south Cali, there are these bastards called tarantula wasps, big ugly black things, that to live, mate, and then attack a tarantula, and when attacking, inject eggs into the tarantula, and leave. later, the tarantula is killed when the eggs hatch and literally eat the spider and then scatter. Everyone tells me, "They only attack spiders and small animals, squirrels and stuff man!" But I don't care, I don't like the idea of it, and I just really don't like look of em. Google em, imagine that thing just like "Imma attack that guys hand or back of his neck cause, Why Not!?" Nope nope nope, I be swinging at those things with a tennis racket. | |
| | | LordCrump
Posts : 255 Join date : 2015-03-21 Age : 30
| Subject: Re: What are your fears? Tue Sep 15, 2015 10:21 am | |
| You know when you're swimming out near a floating dock, or a buoy? And you know they're anchored to the bottom by disgusting, ancient, rusty, barnacle-encrusted chains? I shudder to think about it. Most submerged man-made objects give me the willies. Also, if I'm swimming out by a coral reef, and it's covered in sea urchins, all I can think about is the tide slamming me into their spines... And don't even get me started on jellyfish. Frankly I prefer to avoid bodies of water in general.
Then there's the more normal stuff, I think wasps and spiders are repulsive. Especially those tarantula wasps. Ugh. We had a scorpion get into our condo when we were staying in Arizona, too, I slept poorly that night.
Arizona_Kitsune, that's some heavy stuff. I think everybody might have something like that fear to some lesser extent, but I can only imagine what it's like for somebody in the military. I'm glad at least you're able to take something positive from it. | |
| | | ninjapacman
Posts : 211 Join date : 2015-05-18 Location : Here. A lot more than I should be.
| Subject: Re: What are your fears? Tue Sep 15, 2015 2:41 pm | |
| I can certainly relate to canzetYote about that fear of heights, but for me it's not heights as much as falling off said heights. Never stand too close to the edge of anything more than 3 stories. I always get that strange urge to jump and I'm afraid that one day I'll do it, just to see what it's like. Then I'll hit the ground.
I also hate bees and wasps. I'm not scared of them really, but I'm allergic, so I will avoid them like the plague when I spot them. This seems to be a rather common one amongst us.
Also, Arizona, I can certainly see the ration fear behind your deep thoughts. It's basically transforming the feeling of being unable to do anything into the instinctual fear and desperation you feel when you yourself are helpless. You equate being unable to help others with being unable to do anything, as well as a loss of control, which in itself gives a feeling of weakness. | |
| | | Arizona_Kitsune
Posts : 12 Join date : 2015-07-17
| Subject: Re: What are your fears? Tue Sep 15, 2015 8:51 pm | |
| Wasps and bees certainly is a repetitive thing it seems, albeit they are necessary, man, we don't like em lol
I come to think of it now, heights never were a problem for me, mountain climbing, helicopters (Sitting on edge of bay door 50 feet above ground) and yeah, the Grand Canyon, often it every other year at different times to hike and camp out. Ruck sack style. But I won't lie, getting near the edge, you do get a little thrown off especially if you focus down below. But, I dunno if this is a good or bad thing, Thank you Marine Corps!? Forcing me to dive off a three story high pillar and fall two stories before catching myself with gripping the line and then rappelling down the last little distance, and having done that a few times now, got me over my fears of falling. Still don't mean I wanna ever try base jumping or those squirrel suits cliff diving, as cool as it looks.
Fifrein and Ninja having spoken with me some, might see it or might not, but behind this somewhat grumpy old man attitude and griping, I do try to think of small or even completely reversing ways of finding positives out of stuff. Trust me I've had to with some stuff in the past. But like you said Ninja, you are right there, and that does kind of come with our training and brainwashing when entering service, any fears or self fears we have are pretty well washed away and turned into a fear for everyone else, I think they kind of want that in troops especially, cause it makes guys more effective, for each other rather than them selves. But I just feel, like it hits or brain screws a few more than others like myself. Feeling worse about the thought of it than others might. But in every curse there's some type of salvation. Mine unfortunately is like a tiny Shis LeBeouf on my shoulder.
Having been on ship and bases having been right on beaches, LordCrump, UGHHHH!!! Sea urchins and jellyfish, yeah, it's not a fear, but definitely a nuisance or pain for everyone. Why do sea urchins exist? Just to step on em or something I dunno. I do worry bout it sometimes, you aren't alone there. But the sunk ships and planes and buoy's, well they do look bad or ugly for sure. There is also a somewhat eery peace or silence in em. Look at the old ships and planes from back when that are found or memorialized under the seas. Still 'mostly' as they were, just silently resting now abundant in fish, coral, barnacles maybe. Where they may have gone down in different ways, they kind of just rest, and let the world still use them for its purpose until they can do so no longer. Even in death still serve a purpose and aid others. Theres a odd ominous peacefulness to a ship or old plane at the bottom of the sea as compared to being mangled or sun rusting in some jungle or desert or boneyard. I dunno.
Buoy's do get really nasty though, they aren't nearly serviced as much as they should be. | |
| | | Fifrein
Posts : 79 Join date : 2015-05-19
| Subject: Re: What are your fears? Wed Sep 16, 2015 12:57 am | |
| Might as well toss in my two cents. I'll give you guys three actually, just for being nice.
3) Heights, like ninja, but to a lesser extent. I've always got that fear, not that I'm gonna jump, but that I'm gonna lose my balance and fall. Mostly. It's not that I don't trust my balance. I've proven time and time again on buses and trains and boats that I have better balance than most people in this world. It's just like there's more at stake when there's no floor to the side you keep leaning towards.
2) Surprised noone's given this one yet: The Dark. Especially after seeing some kind of horror Media. A book, movie, whatever. And again, not so much the Dark, but everything that might come out of it. It's this itch in my spine, the back of my neck, my chest. Every time I'm standing alone in a room with the lights turned off, It's...well, let me put it this way: The lights are dim outside, and the room is dark, so I can see out the windows, but only for a few feet. Every bloody night I stand alone, resisting the urge to look out my front window, to avoid the night that I look out and finally see the face staring back. Even though I know the doors are locked and the windows shut, I can't ever stay loitering long in a dark and quiet home, because something's always behind me, waiting to show its face when I turn around. I feel as a victim of He Who Walks Behind from the Dresden novels, but I can never even see him in mirrors, and it is only in the dark, where I cannot see.
To be honest, I can deal with this most nights. It's not as bad as I've made it out to be, more often than not it's just the tiny itch, the little feeling that something's watching, and I can walk around without incident or hesitation. But occasionally...it can hit hard. Especially when there's a noise like a loud fan that is continuous, that I can't stop for the sake of comfort, but it still hides the noises of the night from reaching my ears. And I hate not knowing what's coming for me. Which brings me to my next point.
1) The unknown. I despise that which I don't know. I despise myself for not knowing. I hate being the odd man out who didn't hear the gossip, or not knowing what's coming next. I hate guessing games (which are VERY different from logic puzzles like "Guess Who," fun game, that), and most of all, I fear it. I fear not knowing what's around me, what's behind me. I've taken lessons from wise books to heart: always use your ears, never leave your back to a door, always take note of your surroundings. I fear not knowing what is happening right now to so many people I know and love, I fear not knowing what everyone else around me is thinking, who will save me without ever knowing my name and who will stab me in the back for a buck and a carl's jr. coupon. I fear not knowing when I'll die. Not knowing whether I'll die protecting those I love, or falling to my death, or being bitten by an odd spider out, or so many other tiny things. I can never know, and I can never guess until it's too late. That hurts so much inside, and leads to so many small things. I'm not scared of spiders, but I'll still squash them, to prolong my dwindling life. I'm not afraid of the dark itself, I'm afraid of what I don't know is there. I'll walk through my own room, sweeping my legs in front of me like a blind man instead of taking normal steps, because otherwise I could step on something I didn't expect and trip and break my neck. I will rarely open up to people in person, and always keep a bayonet under my pillow, and a multitool knife in my pocket, just in case someone decides to break into my house or hold up my train. And It's turned me into a cynical and heartless bastard. If given a choice between one life I love and many I've never met, I'll always use the numbers and choose the many. I have to. The needs of the many are more than the needs of the few. I laugh at the deaths of others and haven't cried in years. I don't even think I'm capable of it anymore. I've tried. I've accepted inevitabilities and looks at life as statistics and numbers. I must be fun at parties.
I despise not knowing the truth of the past. I long for the invention of a time machine, not to change history, but to learn it all, to record it all. Every little detail of every little life in every little war and every little home. The travel of a single screw in a battleship, from casting, to placement to scrapping and melting. I despise that there are so many different sources about each thing, all saying different things, and the 100% truth will never be known to any but the dead. I wish to go back, and watch the greatest heroes of the second world war in action in their greatest moments, to have more than just their gun cameras or quotes from their friends, or blurry photos taken from miles away. I want to see the Yamato sink, see the Arizona get hit by that 410mm AP bomb, and I want to count each individual soldier and his creed in the battle of Thermopylae, and all the dogfights of those magnificent men in the flying machines of the Great war. And it honestly hurts so, so much inside, knowing I will NEVER know.
The funny thing in all this is: I'm not afraid of death. I've always wondered what I'd encounter on the other side. It's a journey to me, just another experiment, just another thing to find out later. The problem is that there's so much in the land of the living I haven't learned yet. And that includes what it feels like. What it feels like to fall through the air without a parachute, to get shot, to get stabbed in the back, bitten by a spider, or dismembered. And every sound in the dark, every tiny insect, every cliff edge brings me that much closer to believing that it's the moment I'm going to stop learning, and that all I don't know, I will never know. | |
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